Do You Remember…September?

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Tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of 9/11.

About 4 years ago, I wrote a blog post  entitled “Blocked” and although it was about forgiveness, I wrote in detail about my twisted relationship with the month of September.

I reposted it again on 9/10/11.

I think it’s appropriate that I repost it again this year, because September holds so much promise for me.  My life has been made fuller, richer and so much more meaningful because of all of my September’s past.

This year, I am the owner of a successful company http://www.amassdigital.com and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.  But, it was a tough road getting here.

Walk with me…

BLOCKED

Although we are only 10 days into the month, I must add that God has now BLOCKED the curse of September in my life.  This September has brought in tremendous opportunities, miraculous growth and happiness beyond measure for myself and my children!  I can’t imagine the pain that September brought me before and I look back and know that no matter what it was – God’s has always had his hand on me.

I’m grateful beyond words….

But, I will never forget the lessons of September past.

Originally posted:  November 20, 2009

Last night while on twitter, an acquaintance posted messages about forgiveness and forgetting.

I cry.

I bleed.

I heal.

And now I share.

In the hopes that some else who has cried, who has bled will heal.

I knew I would need to share this story publicly some day.

My only request is that you share this as respectfully as possible.

I have forgiven many things.

Some of them, I will NEVER forget.

“There were dangers awaiting me

Destruction was sure to be”

Many years ago, someone hurt me.

Very badly. Inside and out.

I was in an on again and off again relationship.

Then 9/11/95 came.

The devil had a plan to kill me, I know.

As I was leaving my home with my then seven month old baby, I was attacked.

He tied me up.

He choked me until I passed out.

He pulled locks of hair straight out of my scalp.

He nicked my lips repeatedly with the fine blade of a knife.

He held my baby upside down by his ankles.

He said I could leave, but, he would chop my baby into pieces.

And he attempted to do unmentionable things.

“The fact that I’m still a live today

Ain’t nothing, nothing but a miracle”

Then 9/09/01 came.

My attacker was released from jail.

Then 9/11/01 came.

I had a doctor’s appointment in the second tower of the World Trade Center.

My boss called and told me to work from home.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Haven’t lived a perfect life

Seems I’ve done wrong more than I’ve done right.

Then 9/2/07 came.

My mom died.

Clearly, September hasn’t been good to me.

My dad died 9/8/88, and my mom was buried 9 years later to the day.

I forgive the month of September and look forward to it every year.

I don’t forget the events of September past, how could I?

Just as I forgave the month of September, I forgave my mother.

Long before she refused to acknowledge me as her daughter on her deathbed.

I forgave my dad for not being a father.

Long before I went to the morgue to identify his body.

I forgave my attacker.

That took longer.

But, I forgave him.

How do you know when you’ve forgiven someone?

When you release the need for revenge.

When it no longer matters to you who was at fault.

When you let it go and move on with your life.

When you CHOOSE to use the negative to propel you forward into your purpose.

When you are strong enough to share it with others so they can learn from it.

That’s why I CAN’T forget.

If I forget,

If I erase the memories,

How can I help someone else?

I’ve got life to live.

There are blessings he wants to give.

“Thank God for angels shielding, protecting and looking out for me.”

Do You Remember?  Never Forget 9/11/01 and those who lost their lives.  It could have been me and countless others who were spared by God’s grace.

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10 thoughts on “Do You Remember…September?

  1. Dianell 39

    Thank u for shaing your story. I am one of the 1 in 4 u spoke of. I was not hit, sometimes I wish that I was, I was emotionally abused. It still sounds weird to say that. I was first abused by my father who, on a daily basis, told me I wasn’t shit and I would never be shit, that I was the scum of the earth and that I was worthless. I wish he would have hit me, I know sounds crazy but that is how I felt then and now. The cycle continued…I married a man that cheated and lied and said things to me like “you were not who I really wanted”. I accepted that. He walked out on me and my daughter when she was four. I thought I was going to die. The cycle continued…I met a man shortly after he left that treated me like a Queen, he must have smelt my need to accepted, validated…he cheated, lied and said I was to blame for everything. I Cried, begged this man to stay with me, I thought I needed him… I broke it off several times only to take him back over and over…after all he never hit me. That was my thought process…very warped. I finally left for good…after yrs of abuse I am struggling to forgive my offenders whom have moved on to the next 1. I’m tired of dragging this pain around and unforgiveness…I pray and pray and I know God hears me. It is a process and ur story has given me a new outlook on forgiveness. Thanks for sharing this with me.

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  2. Wow!!! Amazing! This has helped me so much! Thank you for posting. I have lived through so much hurt and pain, but God has never allowed me to be a bitter angry personl I have always loved and love loving! We don’t have to be a product of our environment and you have proven that. God Bless!

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  3. October meaning
    “Eighth Month” – from the Roman year
    “Eight” – New Beginnings 🙂

    Amazing post. Thank you for sharing! Be released into the fullness of everything God has called you to and prepared you for in Jesus name! John 10:10, 1 Cor 2:9, Eph 3:20…

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  4. I.
    Am.
    Speechless.
    I SO appreciate your courage, candidness, bravery and willingness to share.
    I would expect such to come from someone less spirited. less optimistic and less prayerful.
    I REALLY feel, now, that after reading this; all that I’ve held worthy of my contempt, scorn and wrath can be surrendered.
    Life really can and does go on, after all.
    I know that now…

    Respectfully,
    Angie.

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