We have all shared them.
From the time we are children we are taught that secrets make us special, as if we belong to an elite club.
More often than not, when someone says “this is just between you and me” – there is something in their gut that tells them that there is at least a SLIGHT possibility that the secret will be shared.
Some are better at keeping secrets than others.
What amazes me is that many people who have “diarrhea of the mouth” when it comes to spilling others’ secrets, will keep theirs closer to their heart than wedding vows. You know the ones: ” til death do us part” – never parting their lips about their own misgivings, carrying them to the grave, but, without provocation “giving up the goods” on those of others.
More often than not, secrets tend to be those that involve bad news, imperfections in character or moral failures. Good news, we ALL want to share, unless we have need to hold on to it as in the case of a surprise.
But, what happens when damaging secrets are kept? Is it possible that you are holding on to a secret right now that is affecting your happiness?
When I was a little girl, I remember my mother walking down the street with myself and my two younger sisters. Whenever a man would approach us, we would HASTILY cross to the other side of the street. As an adult, it took a while for me to realize that my mother had drilled that into me so much that it became my natural reaction. It was not until many years later, in my late 30’s that I realized the reason my mother had innately taught me to fear any approaching man, WITHOUT SAYING A WORD.
It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that my mom revealed HER secret to me. She had been sexually abused as a child AND was a child borne of rape. That explained her fear of men. By that time I had become so conditioned due to HER fears that I had no idea how it affected my relationships, however, it was only this morning that I was able to pinpoint how it REALLY affected me.
Want to know a secret? (Of course, you do.)
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE men. I desire to be in a relationship, a healthy one – but, I could never pinpoint the issue until NOW and this morning it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Being the problem-solver, I tried to think of the men in my life from my past and what it is that I’m most afraid of and what I discovered, quite frankly SHOCKED me, while making total sense.
I HAVEN’T TRUSTED MEN TO PROTECT ME, SO I’VE NEVER TRULY GIVEN ANYONE MY HEART.
Whew! I said it.
I can’t say that the feeling started with my abuser, in fact, I believe the feeling DROVE me to my abuser and explains, in part why many women like the “bad boys”.
Because he made me feel safe.
Isn’t it ironic that the person who made me feel safe was the one who would ultimately hurt me the most?
Why share this secret? Why now?
Because I’m ready to share my heart and I want to fall in love with someone who will protect my heart from harm.
I want to erase the damage done by my mother, her past and my past. And I no longer want secrets of the past to prevent me from enjoying the gift of the present.
More importantly, I know I attract what I am and I don’t want to give brokenness, fear or insecurity a free entrance ticket anymore. So, I’m evicting them for GOOD!
Dear Future Husband: Yup..I’m getting ready for you 🙂