Day 76 – 300 Steps to Greatness

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Have you ever been affected by the words of someone?

That happened to me a few hours ago on twitter.  I saw a tweet and the words literally hurt my heart.  It was a young lady who, after describing her struggle with remaining a virgin wrote:

“You know 1 of saddest moments I had was when a SAVED LADY told me “girl me & my husband never got delivered from fornication ha ha”

That hurt me deeply.  Because I know her pain.

I decided not to be in a relationship a few years ago.

It was VERY difficult and I’ve almost strayed from that decision several times.  I made that decision, because I knew that if I was in a relationship, I would have sex.

Yup.  Lots of it.  And enjoy it IMMENSELY.

But, that’s not what God wants for me.  Not right now, anyway.

While I detail my entire story about my decision here in an interview with Shawna Marie, I was especially touched by something else that this young lady said directly to me when I commented on what she had tweeted:

“it HURTS. I’m very broken right now. I feel like a alien. I really do.”

I felt that pain.  When I was a member of a church and surrounded by “saved” friends, many of them were getting it in on a regular.  And they weren’t married. Not even struggling or trying to hide it.

And whenever I spoke of my decision, I had someone suggest that I needed to dust off my pipes and clear the cobwebs.  In fact, she suggested that she would get me a sex toy for my birthday.

*sigh*

Why is it that when people want to do the right thing, we can ALWAYS find a way to encourage them to do wrong?  Why is it so difficult to wrap our arms around some one who had made a decision to do the right thing?

Anyway, I engaged in a rather lengthy rant which included the following:

There’s nothing wrong with loving sex. I LOVE IT! But, I CHOOSE to wait! Not having some random dude squirt death up in me!

All the time that man is depositing into your body, for WHAT? Is there anything Godly about him at all? You can go to hell alone…

You don’t NEED sex. You WANT sex. You NEED God – the ONLY thing that NEVER changes, no matter how many times you do.

I’m so sick of young women being hurt, because folks wanna lie to them. STOP acting like you don’t desire sex. I LOVE IT! But, I CHOOSE!

Stop letting men deposit death into you. CHOOSE life instead. As my sis says, LEAVE POAZ & wait for BOAZ! If he’s not there, ur NOT ready.

And when some1 wants to make fun of my decision to be celibate, I just compare my pillow 2 theirs at night. Only tears on mine are of JOY!

I’m tired of pastors in churches who cheated, got married, started a new church & now get some “act right” in them when it comes to MY life.

Get off of that pulpit and encourage somebody with your REAL testimony. Tell about what REALLY happened. Don’t glorify the struggle.

Let’s keep it REAL, people. I know I CANNOT be the only single woman, who made a choice to choose God over lust. I’m NOT that GOOD!

Get rid of those soul ties and encourage the younger ones to do the same. It sickens me & hurts my heart, bcuz I’ve been there.

If the younger generation does NOT see us struggling & winning the battle against loose morals, how will they fight successfully.

And then something happened.

I got responses from women who WERE having the same struggle.  Women who had made a decision to be celibate, but, didn’t want to be perceived as “goody two shoes.”  Several women responded that they read my tweets in tears.

Why am I sharing this with you and WHAT does this have to do with my Steps to Greatness?

One of my goals is to go on a date before the end of the year.  While to many people, that might not seem like a big deal, it’s MAJOR for me.

I’ve been terrified to date, because I know sex is GOING to come up.  And I’m not ready for it, yet.

And I know if I say this publicly, there is accountability.

So, I need you to keep me in prayer.  So that when that date does happen, my emotions do not overtake me and undo everything that God has done thus far.

I’m not perfect.  I’m just trying.

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2 thoughts on “Day 76 – 300 Steps to Greatness

  1. I have always kept it real about the struggle. Before I married my husband, I was celibate for 3 looong years, but like you, I chose God! My husband was “saved” but never had a woman require celibacy of him until me. (Out of all the “Godly” women he dated). However, I set a standard and God blessed me with a Boaz (whom I did not even realize was there and actually never was interested in until God). So, I agree! We have to keep it real, but we also have to choose God! I remember one night in my then fiance’s weaknest, I turned to him and I said “I love you, but I love God more!”. It witnessed to him and he embraced celibacy since that day. And that has to be the bottom line. Do we love God more then our fleshly desires?! Did I start off right no, I had two children out of wedlock,before I really walked with God. However, once I realy got in His Word for myself and got serious about who He is I did make the decision to change in more ways then one through the help of the Holy Spirit before I even knew of my Boaz or marriage and God blessed.

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  2. Love this and I enjoyed all the tweeting today. It is sad and so true. So many are waiting for someone to get real with them and say “Yes, I struggle, but in my struggle and allowing God to see me through, he has kept me and will keep you”. I have been single for almost two years. Do I think about sex? Yes. But I also think about the hurt and pain that I caused myself by not waiting on God. I am finally at peace, free from all the bondage and enjoying my relationship with God. I’ll continue to wait.

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